Self-esteem is arguably the most discussed topic in the self-improvement community, and for a good reason:
It's the foundation for personal development.
If you've been wanting to learn how to build self-esteem, you've come to the right place. Unlike other resources where you'll find "quick tips" or "hacks to boost self-esteem", I'm going to give you a full in-depth guide that contains everything you need to know.
The best part?
This comes from my personal experience.
What are we waiting for? Let's do this!
This guide is divided into multiple chapters. Here's what I'll cover.
First, let's define self-esteem:
according to Google, it's "confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect."
Here's another definition from the Cambridge Dictionary: "belief and confidence in your own ability and value."
I think you get the idea. Basically, self-esteem means you value yourself as a person.
I want you to know a few things before we start:
1. Self-esteem can be improved
A lot of people seem to think that self-esteem is a game of luck. Either you have it or you don't, and that's totally false.
Self-esteem is something that can be changed and improved over time.
2. Self-esteem doesn't come from external circumstances
Many people will use their abusive parents, their unsupportive friends or bad conditions in general to justify their lack of self-esteem.
Yes, some events can destroy your self-esteem as a kid but for the most part, it's just a bunch of excuses that people use to feel better about themselves.
You know why? Because it's far easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility to change.
Basically, you shouldn't approach the problem with this mindset. You have to understand that you're a grow up now, and you need to take responsibility for your life in order to improve it.
No amount of affection, emotional support or acknowledgment can make up for a lack of self-esteem.
It's called self-esteem because it comes from the self, from you.
3. Being arrogant doesn't mean you have high self-esteem
Same thing with confidence. I don't really know why but some people seem to mistake arrogance for confidence or high self-esteem.
An arrogant person can actually have really low self-esteem but he's just trying to make up for it by acting like he's better than everyone else.
Valuing yourself as a person doesn't include putting others down or trying to impress other people. Actually, it's the other way around.
Like I said earlier, self-esteem is the foundation for personal development. Without it, you'll face a lot of unnecessary difficulties in life.
I could go on and on about how self-esteem is important and all that, but I know that nothing beats real life examples so I'm going to throw a bunch of them here.
Sounds good? Here they are.
1. Your career will suffer
Let's say there's a really great promotion on the table, and that you want to be considered as a candidate.
Well, guess what? It's very likely that you'll never say anything about it, and that someone will get it instead. Even if you're much better at your job, you'll never get promoted.
Because you won't dare to step outside of your comfort zone and ask for that promotion. You'll be too scared to voice your opinion or ask for anything, so you'll prefer to retreat and just let it pass you by.
This is just a small example but it illustrates my point.
2. People will treat you badly
Some people won't miss the chance to bully you if they sense that you're not grounded. Be it in school, work or anywhere else, you'll be treated like a doormat.
People will ask you for unconvenient favors, delegate their work or homework to you, use you in many ways and even make fun of you.
The worst part is that you'll allow this type of behaviour because you think you don't deserve any better.
3. You'll be miserable
Honestly, your life will be quite bad. I mean how can you be happy when many people treat you like shit, when you don't even believe you're worthy of respect, and when you constantly feel like a victim of life?
My guess is it's quite difficult to be happy under these conditions.
4. You'll miss out on so many opportunities
Because opportunities will require you to get out of your comfort zone, which is going to be difficult if you have low self-esteem.
The main reason is that you don't even think you can handle them well, so you prefer not doing anything at all.
In essence, you prefer not to play the game at all than to play and potentially lose.
Do you see how this is totally counter-productive? If you're asking why, the reason is simple: you will fail many times in life.
So if you apply this method of thinking, you'll always let great opportunities pass you by without lifting a finger.
5. You'll never live up to your full potential
Look, no matter how fast a car can go, it will never move if the handbrake is always on.
Same thing here, the ultimate result is that you'll basically waste your entire life if you don't do something about this.