 If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you. This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post. It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing. Ready? Let's dive in. ContentsI'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.
Chapter 1: What is self-confidence
So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement. Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist. That's totally wrong. I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place. Chapter 2: Why self-confidence is important
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Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.
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1. You change yourself to please others
This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.
If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.
If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.
2. You always doubt your judgement
If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.
When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.
When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.
3. You have tons of self-limiting beliefs
You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.
Why?
Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.
When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.
Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.
Why?
Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.
When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.
Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.
4. You don't have a clear direction in life
This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.
However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.
However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.
Chapter 4: Why you're not confident
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Why am I not confident?
Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes. Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident. |
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1. You treat other people's opinions as facts
If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.
To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:
opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.
Do you see the difference?
If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.
To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:
opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.
Do you see the difference?
If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.
2. You're not really good at anything
If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.
It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."
However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.
It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."
However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.
3. You never push your limits
Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.
When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.
The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.
This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.
When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.
The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.
This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.
4. You're not learning anything new
If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.
5. You failed a lot in the past
I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.
6. You make excuses
Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.
Chapter 5: How to be confident
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Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.
In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch. |
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First, check out this excellent video :
1. Realize that you're not inferior
We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.
There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.
Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.
However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.
To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.
There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.
Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.
However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.
To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.
2. Become good at something
Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D
Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.
In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.
When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.
In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.
So, how to choose a skill?
Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.
That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.
To do: choose a skill and become good at it.
Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.
In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.
When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.
In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.
So, how to choose a skill?
Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.
That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.
To do: choose a skill and become good at it.
3. Use your body language
You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.
Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.
However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :
Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.
However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :
- Walk and stand up with your back up straight.
- Stand up like this
- When you're in meetings (or somewhere else), use this position to convey authority and confidence. This is called "the hand steeple" (works for both men and women).
These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it. Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.
To do: use these postures to convey confidence.
To do: use these postures to convey confidence.
4. Don't take negative comments as facts
When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.
I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.
Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.
Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.
To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right
I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.
Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.
Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.
To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right
5. Fake it, act like you're confident
If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.
How do I know? Well, I tried it.
It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.
All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.
There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.
To do: Act like a confident person would
How do I know? Well, I tried it.
It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.
All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.
There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.
To do: Act like a confident person would
Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions
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There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.
In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture. |
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1. What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?
Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.
Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.
2. Can you be confident and humble at the same time?
Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.
3. How can I become confident fast?
You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.
Do you still have some questions?
I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.
I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.
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